K... i have to tell you about the most colossal waste of time and severely addictive electronic thingy to be produced by capitalism since the creation of the internet... my sheltered sister, Christy, introduced me to this spawn of satan... thanks Christy... now this will never replace the net, but i could be wrong... it's called Bass Fishin', made by a company called Radica:... i think the colon is supposed to be read as an "L", but, in today's techno-geek society, who can tell??? it is a "virtual" fishing machine... yes... VIRTUAL!!! INTERACTIVE!!! you know, all that stuff they promise us on NextStep and Beyond 2000 that we will never get... see, the idea is, you are a bass angler, in a johnboat out on a lake... you have a trolling motor (to move around the lake), a depth gauge (to find the fish), a tackle box (complete with 18 different lures to choose from... your choice should be based on weather conditions, time of day, and season, all graciously supplied by the game...), and your rod and reel (the thingy in your hand)... you troll around, find some fish, cast, and attempt to land one... it's a lot harder than it sounds... now, here comes the "virtual" part... to cast your line, YOU ACTUALLY CAST!!! you hold down the line brake and cast... how far you cast your line depends upon how hard you cast... your distance is displayed, and your lure is shown in relation to the fish on your depth gauge... then you reel in your line, dragging, dancing, jigging, jumping, all that jargon specific techniques that REALLY exists, to attract a fish... doing it properly is very difficult to learn... after many tries, when you finally get a bite, the rod JERKS in your hand!!! i dropped the damn thing the first time it happened to me... Christy soiled herself laughing... then you have to virtually snag the virtual hook in the virtual fish's mouth, then you virtually reel 'em in... but, be careful!!! you can lose your virtual trophy (or virtual lie) by letting it off the virtual hook or by virtually snapping your virtual line (there is a virtual tension meter you have to watch)... the reel gives resistance as you reel in your catch (and yes, you feel your line break too!!!)... once you have landed your fish, it is weighed, recorded, and you are given the option of stringing it or releasing it... why people go out and catch a fish, and then let it go, i'll never understand... the rod keeps a record of what's on your string for the day, and the all-time record catch... on this particular virtual rod, the largest virtual fish ever virtually caught is a virtual 23 lbs, by Christy, of course...

now comes the disclaimer... use this product at your own risk... personally, I HATE FISHING!!! but i got addicted and played this stupid thing for 2½ weeks (while my 'puter was in the shop) until the batteries died... i didn't replace them...

available in the toy department of finer Wal-Mart stores across north america, for the paltry sum of $19.97 (US)... replacement batteries not included, thank god...